dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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