matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
