I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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