Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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