he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
