still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
