There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
whose parrot is this?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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