True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
