you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The beer is more important than you right now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My bed smells like the plague
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
