i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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