Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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