I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
