I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
