exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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