Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
