I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Come on in and take your pants off
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