how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
