Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
