Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
