so explain again why im purple
no
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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