you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
