Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize