I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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