He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
