he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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