I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
