Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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