the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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