I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
