Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
