First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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