I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
