Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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