If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
