I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
