My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
