I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
