If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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