A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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