I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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