before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
