There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
