im six kinds of drunk right now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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