Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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