he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
