I'm going to jail i love you
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
