So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
