Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
