He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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