it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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