The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
