Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
