I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
