I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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