Where is the hickey?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
