I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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