One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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