Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
