May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
