Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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