When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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