Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I skipped work to stalk him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
