I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
