then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
