i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dignity is for republicans.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
