Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
