It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
