you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
