I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
