he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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