im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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