my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
