Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
