i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
