dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
