We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They have beer where we have blood.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize