i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
