I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
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I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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