giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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