I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
