good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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